Know Your Body Language

Basic Understanding...............

Shoulder Shrug Gesture

• The shoulder shrug is also a good example of a universal gesture that is used to show that a person does not know or understand what you are talking about. It is a multiple gesture that has three main parts: exposed palms, hunched shoulders and raised brow.

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The Ring or ‘OK’ Gesture

• The ’OK’ meaning is common to all English-speaking countries and it means "All correct".

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The Thumb-Up Gesture

• In Britain, Australia and New Zealand the thumb-up gesture has three meanings, it is commonly used by hitch-hikers who are thumbing a lift, it is an OK signal, and when the thumb is jerked sharply upwards it becomes an insult signal, meaning ‘up yours’ or ‘sit on this’. In some countries, such as Greece, its main meaning is ‘get stuffed’.

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Congruence (state of agreement)

• We often see a high ranking politician standing behind a lectern with his arms tightly folded across his chest (defensive) and chin down (critical or hostile), while telling his audience how receptive and open he is to the ideas of young people.

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How To Tell Lies Successfully

Pointing gestures

Open Formation Gesture

• People in most English speaking countries stand with their bodies oriented to form an angle of 90 degrees during ordinary social intercourse.
• The two men in are displaying similar status by holding similar gestures and posture and the angle formed by their torsos indicates that an impersonal conversation is probably taking place. The formation of the triangle invites a third person of similar status to join the conversation. When a fourth person is accepted into the group a square will be formed and for a fifth person, either a circle or two triangles.

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Closed Formation Gesture

• When intimacy or privacy is required by two people, the angle formed by their torsos decreases from 90 degrees down to 0 degrees. A man wishing to attract a female partner uses this ploy, as well as other courtship gestures, when he makes his play for her.
• To accept his approach, she need only orient her torso angle to 0 degrees and allow him to enter her territory.

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Inclusion and Exclusion Techniques

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Interviewing Two People

• Let us assume that you, person C, are going to interview or talk to persons A and B, and let us say that by either choice or circumstance you are sitting in a triangular position at a round table. Let us also assume that person A is very talkative and asks many questions and that person B remains silent throughout. When A asks you a question, how can you answer him and carry on a conversation without making B feel excluded? Use this simple but highly effective inclusion technique: when A asks a question, look at him as you begin to answer, then turn your head towards B, then back to A, then to B again until you make your final statement, looking at A (who asked the question) again as you finish your sentence. This technique lets B feel involved in the conversation and is particularly useful if you need to have B on side with you.

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Foot Pointing Gesture

• The foot indicates the direction in which a person would like to go, but they are also used to point at people who are interesting or attractive. Imagine that you are at a social function and you notice a group of three men and one very attractive woman (Figure 146). The conversation seems to be dominated by the men and the woman is just listening.
• You will also notice that she is giving a sideways glance to the man who is using the thumbs-in-belt gesture.

Body Lowering Gestures

Body Lowering Gestures

• Historically, lowering the height of one's body in front of another person has been used as a means of establishing superior/subordinate relationships. We refer to a member of Royalty as 'Your Highness', whereas individuals who commit unsavoury acts are called 'low'.
• Let us examine the non-verbal aspects of the situation in which you have beenspeeding in your car and are stopped by the policeman. In the situation,
  
  1.) The policeman approaches your vehicle, and a driver’s usual reaction is to remain in the car, wind the window down and make excuses for having exceeded the speed limit.
  
  2.) By remaining in your car, you create a barrier between yourself and the policeman.
  
  3.) Under these circumstances the police officer is obviously in a superior position to you, this type of behaviour only serves to make things go from bad to worse and your chances of being booked are increased.
• Instead, try this if you are flagged down:
  
  1.) Get immediately out of your car and go over to the police officer’s car.
  
  2.) Stoop your body over so that you are smaller than he is.
  
  3.) Lower your own status by telling the officer how foolish and irresponsible you are and raise his status by thanking him.
  
  4.) With your palms out, in a trembling voice, ask him not to give you a ticket.
  
  When this technique is used as directed, it can save you from being booked more than 50 per cent of the time.

Mirror image gestures

Copying the other person gestures

• This 'carbon copying' is a means by which one person tells the other that he is in agreement with his ideas and attitudes. By this method, one is non-verbally saying to the other, 'As you can see, I think the same as you, so I will copy your posture and gestures.'
• If an employer wishes to develop an immediate rapport and create a relaxed atmosphere with an employee, he need only copy the employee's posture to achieve this end. Similarly, an up-and-coming employee may be seen copying his boss's gestures in an attempt to show agreement. Using this knowledge, it is possible to influence a face-to-face encounter by copying the positive gestures and postures of the other person. This has the effect of putting the other person in a receptive and relaxed frame of mind, as he can 'see' that you understand his point of view.

Ownership gestures

Territorial Gestures

• People lean against other people or objects to show a territorial claim to that object or person. Leaning can also be used as a method, of dominance or intimidation when the object being leaned on belongs to someone else.
• For example, if you are going to take a photograph of a friend and his new car, boat, home or other personal belonging, you will inevitably find that he leans against his newly acquired property, putting his foot on it or his arm around it. When he touches the property, it becomes an extension of his body and in this way he shows others that it belongs to him.

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Ownership Gestures

• The position person in the chair reflects an easygoing, relaxed and carefree attitude, because that is in fact what it is. The leg-overchair gesture not only signifies the man’s ownership of that particular chair or space, but also signals that customary etiquettes may be relaxed.
• If the boss’s chair has no arms (which is unlikely, this is usually the visitor’s chair) he may be seen with one or both feet on the desk. If his superior enters the office, it is unlikely that the boss would use such an obvious territorial/ownership gesture, but would resort to more subtle versions such as putting his foot on the bottom drawer of his desk, or, if there are no drawers in the desk, placing his foot hard against the leg of the desk to stake his claim to it.

Cigars and glasses gestures

Cigarette Smokers Gestures

• Smoke up gesture - A person who is feeling positive, superior or confident will blow the smoke in an upward direction most of the time.
• Smoke down gesture - A person in a negative, secretive or suspicious frame of mind will blow the smoke down most of the time. Blowing down and from the corner of the mouth indicates an even more negative or secretive attitude. This, of course, assumes that the smoker is not blowing the smoke upwards to avoid offending others. In that case, he could have blown the smoke in either direction.

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Gestures with glasses

• The glasses-in-mouth gesture can be used to stall or delay a decision. In negotiating, it has been found that this gesture appears most frequently at the close of the discussion when the person has been asked for a decision. The act of continually taking the glasses off and cleaning the lenses is another method used by glasses wearers to gain time for a decision. When this gesture is seen immediately after a decision has been asked for, silence is the best tactic.
• If the person puts the glasses back on, this often means that he wants to 'see' the facts again, whereas folding the glasses and putting them away signals an intention to terminate the conversation.

Courtship signal gestures

Male Courtship signals

• The male displays preening behaviour as the female approaches. In addition to the automatic physiological reactions already mentioned, he will reach for his throat and straighten his tie. If he is not wearing a tie, he may smooth his collar or brush imaginary dust from his shoulder and rearrange cufflinks, shirt, coat and other clothing. He may also preen himself by smoothing his hair.
• The most aggressive sexual display he can make towards the female is the aggressive thumbs-in-belt gesture that highlights his genital region. He may also turn his body towards her and point his foot at her.

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Female Courtship signals

• Women use most of the same basic preening gestures as men, including touching the hair, smoothing the clothing, one or both hands on hips, foot and body pointing towards the male, extended intimate gaze and increasing eye contact. They also adopt the thumbs-in-belt gesture which, although it is a male aggression gesture, is used with feminine subtlety; only one thumb tucked into a belt or protruding from a handbag or pocket is displayed.

Eye signal gestures

Controlling a person's gaze

• When you are giving him a visual presentation using books, charts, graphs and so on. Research shows that of the information relayed to a person’s brain, 87 per cent comes via the eyes, 9 percent via the ears, and 4 per cent via the other senses.
• To maintain maximum control of his gaze, use a pen or pointer to point to the visual aid and at the same time verbalise what he sees. Next, lift the pen from the visual aid and hold it between his eyes and your own eyes. This has the magnetic effect of lifting his head so that he is looking at your eyes and now he sees and hears what you are saying, thus achieving maximum absorption of your message.

Popular gestures and actions

Head Gestures

• Neutral Head Position - The position taken by the person who has a neutral attitude about what he is hearing. The head usually remains still and may occasionally give small nods.
• Interested Head Position - When the head tilts to one side it shows that interest has developed.
• Disapproval Head Position - When the head is down, it signals that the attitude is negative and even judgmental. Critical evaluation clusters are normally made with the head down and, unless you can get the person’s head up or tilted, you may have a communication problem.

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Both Hands Behind Head

• This gesture is typical of such professionals as accountants, lawyers, sales managers, bank managers or people who are feeling confident, dominant, or superior about something.
• It is also a gesture used by the 'know-it-all' individual and many people find it irritating when someone does it to them.

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Readiness Gestures

• The individual is seen standing with the hands-on-hips pose, for this is one of the most common gestures used by man to communicate an aggressive attitude.
• Some observers have labelled this gesture 'readiness' which in the right context is correct, but the basic meaning is aggression.

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Seated Readiness Gestures

• One of the most valuable gestures that a negotiator can learn to recognise is seated readiness.
• The readiness gestures that signal a desire to end a conversation or encounter are leaning forward with both hands on both knees, or leaning forward with both hands gripping the chair. Should either of these occur during a conversation it would he wise for you to take the lead and terminate it. This allows you to maintain a psychological advantage and to keep the control.

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Male-Male Aggression Gestures

• Two men sizing each other up, using the characteristic hands-on-hips and thumbs-in-belt gestures.
• Considering that they are both turned at an angle away from each other and the lower halves of their bodies are relaxed, it would be reasonable to assume that these two males are unconsciously evaluating each other and that an attack is unlikely.
• Their conversation may be casual or friendly but a completely relaxed atmosphere will not exist until their hands-on-hips gestures cease and open palm gestures are used.
• If these two men had been directly facing each other with their feet planted firmly on the ground, a fight would be likely to occur

Leg barriers gestures

Standard Leg-Cross Position

• One leg is crossedneatly over the other, usually the right over the left. This is the normal crossed-leg position used by European, British, Australian and New Zealand cultures and may be used to show a nervous, reserved or defensive attitude.
• For example, people often sit like this during lectures or if they are on uncomfortable chairs for long periods.
• When the crossed legs gesture is combined with crossed arms, the person has withdrawn from the conversation.

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The American Figure 4 Leg Lock Position

• This leg crossindicates that anargumentative or competitive attitudeexists. It is the sitting position used by many American males who have a competitive nature. This being the case, it is difficult to interpret the attitude of an American during a conversation, but it is quite obvious when this gesture is used by a British citizen.
• The person who has a hard and fast attitude in an argument or debate will often lock the figure 4 into place with one or both hands, using them as a clamp. This is a sign of the tough-minded, stubborn individual who may need a special approach to break through his resistance.

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Standing Leg Cross Gestures

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The Ankle-Lock Gesture

• Male Version of Ankle Lock - is often combined with clenched fists resting on the knees or with the hands tightly gripping the arms of the chair.
• Femal Version of Ankle Lock - varies slightly the knees are held together, the feet may be to one side and the hands rest side by side or one on top of the other resting on the upper legs.

Arm barriers gestures

Standard Arm Cross Gesture

• The standard arm-cross gesture is a universal gesture signifying the same defensive or negative attitude almost everywhere. It is commonly seen when a person is among strangers in public meetings, queues, cafeterias, elevators or anywhere that people feel uncertain or insecure.

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Reinforced Arm-Cross Gesture

• The full arm-cross gesture the person has clenched fists, it indicates a hostile and defensive attitude.
• The person using this gesture cluster has an attacking attitude, as opposed to the person.

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Arm Gripping Gesture

• A superior type can make his superiority felt in the presence of persons he has just met by not folding his arms, but take an arm-fold gesture with both thumbs pointing vertically upwards.
• This gesture is the defensive version of both arms being held horizontally in front of the body with both thumbs up to show that the user is 'cool'.

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Partial Arm-Cross Barrier Gestures

• The full arm-cross gesture is sometimes too obvious to use around others because it tells them that we are fearful. Occasionally we substitute a subtler version - the partial arm cross, in which one arm swings across the body to hold or touch the other arm to form the barrier.
• The partial arm barrier is often seen at meetings where a person may be a stranger to the group or is lacking in self-confidence. Another popular version of a partial arm barrier is holding hands with oneself, a gesture commonly used by people who stand before a crowd to receive an award or give a speech.

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Disguised Arm-Cross Gestures

• Disguised arm-cross gestures are highly sophisticated gestures used by people who are continually exposed to others. This group includes politicians, sales people, television personalities and the like who do not want their audience to detect that they are unsure of themselves or nervous.

Hand to face gestures

The Mouth Guard

• The mouth guard is one of the few adult gestures that is as obvious as a child's. The hand covers the mouth and the thumb is pressed against the cheek as the brain sub-consciously instructs it to try and suppress the deceitful words that are being said. Sometimes this gesture may only be several fingers over the mouth or even a closed fist, but its meaning remains the same.
• Many people try to disguise the mouth guard gesture by giving a fake cough.If the person who is speaking uses this gesture, it indicates that he is telling a lie. If, however, he covers his mouth while you are speaking, it indicates that he feels you are lying!

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Nose Touching and Eye Rub

• The Nose Touch - In essence, the nose touch gesture is a sophisticated, disguised version of the mouth guard gesture. It may consist of several light rubs below the nose or it may be one quick, almost imperceptible touch. Like the mouth guard gesture, it can be used both by the speaker to disguise his own deceit and by the listener who doubts the speaker’s words.
• The Eye Rub - 'See no evil' says the wise monkey, and this gesture is the brain's attempt to block out the deceit, doubt or lie that it sees or to avoid having to look at the face of the person to whom he is telling the lie. Men usually rub their eyes vigorously and if the lie is a big one they will often look away, normally towards the floor. Women use a small, gentle rubbing motion just below the eye, either because they have been brought up to avoid making robust gestures, or to avoid smudging make-up. They also avoid a listener’s gaze by looking at the ceiling.

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Ear Rub and Neck Scratch

• The Ear Rub - This is, in effect, an attempt by the listener to 'hear no evil' in trying to block the words by putting the hand around or over the ear. This is the sophisticated adult version of the handsover-both-ears gesture used by the young child who wants to block out his parent's reprimands. Other variations of the ear rub gesture include rubbing the back of the ear, the finger drill (where the fingertip is screwed back and forth inside the ear), pulling at the earlobe or bending the entire ear forward to cover the earhole. This last gesture is a signal that the person has heard enough or may want to speak.
• The Neck Scratch - In this case, the index finger of the writing hand scratches below the earlobe, or may even scratch the side of the neck. Our observation of this gesture, reveals an interesting point. The person scratches about five times. Rarely is the number of scratches less than five and seldom more than five. This gesture is a signal of doubt or uncertainty and is characteristic of the person who says, "I'm not sure I agree." It is very noticeable when the verbal language contradicts it, for example, when the person says something like, "I can understand how you feel."

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Collar Pull Gesture and Fingers in the Mouth Gesture

• The Collar Pull - when a person is feeling angry or frustrated or sweating and needs to pull the collar away from his neck in an attempt to let the cool air circulate around it. When you see someone use this gesture, a question like, "Would you repeat that, please?" or, "Could you clarify that point, please?" can cause the would-be deceiver to give the game away.
• Fingers in the Mouth - Morris's explanation of this gesture is that the fingers are placed in the mouth when a person is under pressure. Whereas most hand-to-mouth gestures involve lying or deception, the fingers-in-mouth gesture is an outward manifestation of an inner need for reassurance. Giving the person guarantees and assurances is appropriate when this gesture appears.

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Cheek Gestures

• Boredom Gesture - When the listener begins to use his hand to support his head, it is a signal that boredom has set in and his supporting hand is an attempt to hold his head up to stop himself from falling asleep. Extreme boredom and lack of interest are shown when the head is fully supported by the hand.
• Interested Gesture - Interested gesture is shown by a closed hand resting on the cheek, often with the index finger pointing upwards. Should the person begin to lose interest but wish to appear interested, for courtesy’s sake, the position will alter slightly so that the heel of the palm supports the head.
• Genuine interest is shown when the hand is on the cheek, not used as a head support.

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Chin Stroking Gestures

• When the index finger points vertically up the cheek and the thumb supports the chin, the listener is having negative or critical thoughts about the speaker or his subject. Often the index finger may rub or pull at the eye as the negative thoughts continue.
• The next time you have the opportunity to present an idea to a group of people, watch them carefully as you give your idea and you will notice something fascinating. Most, if not all the members of your audience will bring one hand up to their faces and begin to use evaluation gestures. As you come to the conclusion of your presentation and ask for the group to give opinions or suggestions about the idea, the evaluation gestures will cease. One hand will move to the chin and begin a chin-stroking gesture.
• This chin-stroking gesture is the signal that the listener is making a decision. When you have asked the listeners for a decision and their gestures have changed from evaluation to decision-making.

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Head-Rubbing and Head-Slapping Gestures

• Pain in Neck Gesture - A person who uses this when lying usually avoids your gaze and looks down. This gesture is also used as a signal of frustration or anger and, when this is the case, the hand slaps the back of the neck first and then begins to rub the neck.
• Forgetfulness Gesture - The slapping of the head communicates forgetfulness, the person signals how he feels about you or the situation by the position used when he slaps his hand on his head, either the forehead or the neck. If he slaps his forehead he signals that he is not intimidated by your having mentioned his forgetfulness, but when he slaps the back of his neck. He non-verbally tells you that you are literally a ‘pain-in-the-neck’ for pointing out his error.

Hand and arm gestures

Rubbing the palms together

• Rubbing the palms together - Rubbing the palms together is a way in which people non-verbally communicate positive expectation.

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Hands Clenched Together

Research by Nierenberg and Calero on the hands-clenched position brought them to the conclusion that this was a frustration gesture, signalling that the person was holding back a negative attitude. The gesture has three main positions,

• The person would be more difficult to handle when the hands are held high, than he would be with the person whom hands resting on the desk position. Like all negative gestures, some action needs to be taken to unlock the person’s fingers to expose the palms and the front of the body, or the hostile attitude will remain.

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Steepling Hands

People who are confident, superior types or who use minimal or restricted body gestures often use this gesture, and, by doing so, they signal their confident attitude. It is frequently used in superior/subordinate interaction and that it can be an isolated gesture which indicates a confident or 'know-it-all' attitude. Managers often use this gesture position when giving instructions or advice to subordinates and it is particularly common among accountants, lawyers, managers and the like. The gesture has two versions,

• The Raised Steeple - The position is normally taken when the steepler is giving his opinions or ideas and is doing the talking.
• The Lowered Steeple - The position is normally used when the steepler is listening rather than speaking.

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Gripping Hands, Arms and Wrists

• Superiority/Confidence Gesture - Several prominent male members of the British Royal Family are noted for their habit of walking with their head up, chin out and one palm gripping the other hand behind the back. Not only does British Royalty use this gesture; it is common among Royalty of many countries. On the local scene, the gesture is used by the policeman patrolling his beat, the headmaster of the local school when he is walking through the school yard, senior military personnel and others in a position of authority.
• Hand-Gripping-Wrist Gesture - which is a signal of frustration and an attempt at self-control. In this ase one hand grips the other wrist or arm very tightly as if it is an attempt by one arm to prevent the other from striking out.
• Upper Arm Grip Gesture - The further the hand is moved up the back, the more angry the person has become. He is showing a greater attempt at self-control than the man in Hand-Gripping-Wrist Gesture man, because the hand is gripping the upper arm, not just the wrist. It is this type of gesture that has given rise to such expressions as, 'Get a good grip on yourself'.

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Thumb Displays

The thumbs denote strength of character and ego and the non-verbal use of thumbs agrees with this. They are used to display dominance, superiority or even aggression; thumb gestures are secondary gestures, a supportive part of a gesture cluster. Thumb displays are positive signals, often used in the typical pose of the 'cool' manager who uses them in the presence of subordinates.

• Dominant Male - Arms folded with thumbs pointing upwards is another popular thumb gesture position. This is a double signal, being that of a defensive or negative attitude, (folded arms) plus a superior attitude (displayed by the thumbs). The person using this double gesture usually gesticulates with his or her thumbs, and rocking on the balls of the feet when standing is common.
• Dominant Female - Dominant or aggressive women also use this gesture. The women’s movement has allowed them to adopt many male gestures and positions. In addition to all this, thumb thrusters will often rock on the balls of their feet to give the impression of extra height.

Palm gestures

Palm Gestures

• Submissive Palm Position - The palm facing up is used as a submissive, non-threatening gesture, reminiscent of the pleading gesture of a street beggar. The person being asked to move the box will not feel that the request is given with pressure and, in a normal superior/subordinate situation, will not feel threatened by the request.
• Dominant Palm Position - When the palm is turned to face downwards, you will have immediate authority. The person to whom you have directed the request feels that he has been given an order to remove the box and may feel antagonistic towards you, depending on your relationship with him. For example, if the person to whom you gave the request was a co-worker of equal status, he could reject your palm-down request and would be more likely to carry out your wish if you had used the palm-up position. If the person to whom you give the request is your subordinate, the palm-down gesture is acceptable, as you have the authority to use it.
• Aggressive Palm Position - The palm is closed into a fist and the pointed finger becomes a symbolic club with which the speaker figuratively beats his listener into submission. The pointed finger is one of the most irritating gestures that a person can use while speaking, particularly when it beats time to the speaker’s words. If you are an habitual finger-pointer, try practising the palm-up and palm-down positions and you will find that you create a more relaxed attitude and have a more positive effect on other people.

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Shaking Hands

• Glove Handshake - The glove handshake is sometimes called the politician’s handshake. The initiator tries to give the receiver the impression that he is trustworthy and honest, but when this technique is used on a person he has just met, it has the reverse effect. The receiver feels suspicious and cautious about the initiator’s intentions. The glove should only be used with people to whom the initiator is well-known.

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Double Handed Handshakes

• The intention of the double-handed handshake is to show sincerity, trust or depth of feeling towards the receiver. Two significant elements should be noticed. Firstly, the left hand is used to communicate the extra feeling that the initiator wishes to transmit and its extent is related to the distance that the initiator’s left hand is moved up the receiver’s right arm.
• Elbow Grasp - The elbow grasp, transmits more feeling than the wrist hold, and the shoulder hold.
• In general, the wrist hold and the elbow grasp are acceptable only between close friends or relatives and in these cases, the initiator’s left hand penetrates only the receiver’s intimate zone.

• The shoulder hold and the upper arm grip enter the receiver’s close intimate zone and may involve actual body contact. They should be used only between people who experience a close emotional bond at the time of the handshake.

Territories and zones

Zone Distances

The radius of the air bubble around suburban middle class white people living in Australia, New Zealand, England, North America and Canada is generally the same. It can be broken down into four distinct zone distances.

• Intimate Zone (between 15 and 45 centimetres or 6 to 18 inches) - Of all the zone distances, this is by far the most important as it is this zone that a person guards as if it were his own property. Only those who are emotionally close to that person are permitted to enter it. This includes lovers, parents, spouse, children, close friends and relatives. There is a sub-zone that extends up to 15 centimetres (6 inches) from the body that can be entered only during physical contact. This is the close intimate zone.
• Personal Zone (between 46 centimetres and 1.22 metres or 18 to 48 inches)- This is the distance that we stand from others at cocktail parties, office parties, social functions and friendly gatherings.
• Social Zone (between 1.22 and 3.6 metres or 4 to 12 feet) - We stand at this distance from strangers, the plumber or carpenter doing repairs around our home, the postman, the local shopkeeper, the new employee at work and people whom we do not know very well.
• Public Zone (over 3.6 metres or 12 feet) - Whenever we address a large group of people, this is the comfortable distance at which we choose to stand.

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Conversation Distance

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Greeting Each Other